graduate wishes.

i will get the cornish job in admissions.

i will get into grad school.

i will be successful.

come on world. im ready for you.

 

shirburg.

i wonder if you were referring to me.
i am unmanagable.
although you did not say that.

i think im finding aid in the warm touch of others.
less they know this.

 

cannot sleep. must paint. must keep eyes open.

i had a dream last night i lived in this large one story house.
it wasn’t really that large.
just well decorated.
and spacious.
and in my dream.
my parents let chris live in the room next to mine.
there were spider webs there.
and pincher bugs.
but i didn’t care.
and all i wanted to do was go over and kiss him.

i really like jim.
but i dont think he likes me that way.
also he doesnt’ get my sarcasim that well.
and doesn’t really talk to me.
just kisses me.
i need to barf up my feelings.

and rearrange them.
observe them. study them.
i’ll tell my therapist about it tomorrow.
see what he says.

 

radical man!

i enjoy feeling my bones through my skin.
tomorrow is mardi gras.
then ash wednesday.
then lent.
be good?

my head hurts.
my hips hurt.
my toes hurt.
i am dying again.

time to up the dosage of “take once daily for depression”
thurs.

jim? nick? strangers?
im painting again.

 

the tattooed woman.

i have found the wonders of mineral water with lime flavor.
i severely burned my hand and a small part of my face last night.
(it hurts like a bitch still when i touch it)
i slept all afternoon today after class and woke up in time for the state of the union.
i hate when people text you first and you text back and then they dont text you at all.
i am excited about this loan forgiveness program obama just talked about.
i hate when mid conversation people stop texting you.
i think there is no excuse and its not hard to say, “hey i have to get going bye!”
i think i found out why my eyes get so red at night. it has to do with my makeup remover.
i went and left the internship fair today slightly more discouraged than ever.
i have a doctors appointment tomorrow.
i will make this weekend good again.
i cannot spend life in bed sleeping it away.
i might eventually get the guts to ask that boy im crushing on if he wants to hang out sometime.
i hope i dont look like a fool. haha
i just got happy about obama finally talking about queer america!
cha!

 

i want access to some sort of instrument.

This is the story of the boys who loved you
Who love you now and loved you then
And some were sweet, some were cold and snuffed you
And some just laid around in bed.

Some had crumbled you straight to your knees
Did it cruel, did it tenderly
Some had crawled their way into your heart
To rend your ventricles apart
This is the story of the boys who loved you
This is the story of your red right ankle.

 

 

this is not a love story

They’ll name a city after us
And later say it’s all our fault
Then they’ll give us a talking to
Then they’ll give us a talking to
Because they’ve got years of experience

watching a movie and drinking some tea.
delicious sunday.

 

she bang

terribly bored so i gave myself the thickest bluntest bangs i could.
so that i dont talk myself out of them in the morning.

im positive at this point that i have a lazy eye. haha

im watching this documentary on pbs about sampling done in rapping and music in the 90′s and today.
true beauty.
copy cat wonders.
im a copy cat artist.
how bout you?

 

not so much in that song as much as this one.

“the cannibal corpse version”

remember that time nate offered us a cigarette that time we skipped out on school and went to their private show in LA?
…i took a picture of his back. and the emo mobile. i wonder where those photos are.

is it just me or does the guitarist remind you of fred armisen?